HEALTH ISSUES FOR WOMEN:

Ten things you can do to change your life

Karol Henderson Harding 2005

I’ve always been fascinated with the relationship women have with their bodies. Over the years I’ve worked with a lot of women teaching them to dance, and finding out how few women are actually comfortable with their bodies. It’s always amazed me that how women actually looked often had very little to do with how they felt about themselves. I’ve seen beautiful women with perfect figures who are incredibly insecure, and short, round women who enjoy their lives to the fullest. Women should be good at accepting change – just as soon as you get comfortable with your body, it changes on you… From puberty through menopause, it’s always something new.

Beauty is not just what you see on the outside. Actually, I think that being beautiful comes from the inside. You have to find your core values and hold to them. People who treat other people with kindness and gentleness, and who have integrity will be attractive whatever age they are. Cosmetic and drug manufacturers play on people’s insecurities by trying to convince them that a new makeup, or hairstyle, or pill can solve all your problems and make you feel wonderful. Ours is not a society that appreciates people with character. My grandparents knew a lot about character. On one side, I have Arkansas farmers, and on the other side, I had a great-grandmother who homesteaded in the Oklahoma territories. They didn’t believe in spending a lot of time in reflection, or feeling sorry for one’s self. Life was hard, and you just had to keep on trying if you were going to survive. So they kept their sense of humor and got on with it. Life is still tough, but our challenges are different. And they tend to involve a lot less physical activity.

This year marked a major change in my life. Last year at the same time I was overweight, stressed, low on energy, and sick with a virus. This year I am forty pounds lighter, have lots more energy and I’m changing careers. It was the end of a downward spiral that got worse when I turned fifty. Suddenly, it wasn’t comfortable to be in my body anymore. And the few pounds that seemed to accumulate each year became ten pounds or more a year. It’s not like I didn’t know about working with my body. I’ve been a belly dancer for about 25 years, and had always said I wouldn’t perform anymore when I couldn’t look good in the costume. And, sadly, I actually had given it up. It was like losing a piece of myself.

At 55, I determined that I’d had enough, and I was going to do something about it. My husband joined me in the effort. Within six months, he had lost 35 lbs, and I’d lost forty –dropping from a size 18 to a size eight. And we’re determined to keep our changed lifestyle. We don’t want to enter our senior years with no energy, no muscle tone, and ripe for a heart attack. So, of course, the question becomes, “ How did we do it?” The real surprise was that it was so easy once we became committed to actually doing something. We weren’t hungry all the time, and we don’t miss a lot of the foods we used to eat regularly. We’re still exercising, and we just don’t eat as much as we used to. Yes, there is still stress in life, but now we use exercise as a balance for some of that. I believe that anyone can change their life for the better – but it has to be a conscious choice to do that in a healthy way. Here are some things for you to think about:

1. Choose Life

It’s a simple biblical injunction. Choose Life. Choose a life that is full of healthy relationships, good physical health, and a healthy mental outlook. Choose to be healthy enough to enjoy your children and your grandchildren. Whatever your family dynamics are, you can choose how to respond to them. Choose to focus on the positive aspects of your life, and let go of the battles you’re never going to win. Whatever genetics you inherited, whatever body type, you can choose to make the most of them. However busy your schedule already is, you can re-evaluate your life and your schedule and make choices that reflect your new priorities.

2. Believe that you can do this.

Hope is a spiral that leads you upward and keeps you going. It gives you the energy to keep going just a little longer. Despair is a downward spiral with no energy and little self-will to change things. Believe in yourself, and your ability to change. Start with baby steps, and just keep moving in the right direction.

3. Be willing to change.

You have to really want to change. Change is painful. We instinctively resist it. Learning new things is uncomfortable. We aren’t sure that we can do this new thing. It might open us up to ridicule, and it will probably feel uncomfortable until we get used to doing it. You have to want to change your life enough to try new things. You have to try them more than once, and be willing to try other new things if that doesn’t seem to work for you. You must be willing to give up some things that you think you must have now. Give it a chance. If you give up high sugar foods for a while, you’ll find that your tastes change and that they don’t taste as good as they did before. The same holds true for excessively fatty foods. When you get used to a weekly exercise regime, it just becomes what you do.

4. Commit to change

Pick a day to start your new life. Make a definite change and start your new program. And then commit to doing it for at least two months before you give up on it. If you’re only half-heartedly committed, it won’t work because you’ll give up at the slightest frustration. Your excuse-maker will go into overdrive. Re-read items one through three on this list. If you’re a morning person, get up early and do your exercises before you’re awake enough to think up excuses.

5. Make a realistic plan

It’s always seemed to me that mostly bad things happen by accident, and good things are a result of having worked for them. You are a mortal being who exists in time and space. You must make time, and plan a space, and acquire whatever tools you need to accomplish your goals. This doesn’t necessarily need to be expensive. But you do have to be consistent with it. You will probably have to make adjustments as you go, but make a plan you can live with long term.

Learn to exercise smart. For cardiovascular exercise, use a heart monitor and figure out how to exercise in your target zone. You’ll burn a lot more calories exercising longer at your target rate than you will overdoing it and having to quit after a few minutes. Don’t worry if it doesn’t look very impressive to someone else. The point is that you’re doing it. And the more you do something, the easier it will get. And when it gets too easy, make it a little more challenging. If you’re doing weights or other exercises like yoga, know the difference between good pain and bad pain. Good pain leaves you with sore muscles that ease up after exercise, and disappear a few days later. Bad pain is sharp and painful, and it doesn’t stop when you quit working out. If you are experiencing “bad pain” you need to find out what’s going on. If you’re just sore, you can treat muscles with cold packs, stretch the muscles, and let that set of muscles relax for a few days. It’s not an opportunity to let your whining muscles kick in.

As far as weight loss goes, it’s really simple. You basically have do three things, plus a fourth for your attitude. My acronym for this is REST:

(1) Rest- get a full quota of sleep. When you’re tired you’re attracted to more sugary foods and you make bad food choices in general. It’s even been proven that you don’t burn calories as efficiently when you’re tired, much less feel like exercising. If you’re tired the next two items are doomed to failure.

(2) E - Exercise. You need two kinds of exercise: Cardiovascular exercise that gets your heart rate up and burns calories for a minimum of 3 days a week, and muscle toning exercise that firms you up when you do lose weight. Cardiovascular exercise can be anything you enjoy that gets your heart rate up, and that you can do for at least thirty to forty minutes. If you really want to start the weight coming off you need to do this almost every day. Pilates yoga is perfect for muscle toning, but it’s not a fat-burning activity. Swimming is great on both counts, and it’s also easy on the joints. Using inexpensive light weights and resistance bands is another good choice for women for muscle tone. In fact, walking, running, working in your yard can all be good exercise.

(S) – Sensible eating Drastically reduce the amount of food you’re eating. Most people eat about twice the amout of food they actually need to satisfy hunger. People also eat to satisfy their emotional hunger, relive happy moments, or intensify social events. You need to eat the healthy foods that your body needs. Yes, that means eating very few fatty and sugar-laden foods. Yes, it probably will impact your social life, but your friends will probably forgive you for it. We were fortunate to discover the Body for Life plan. It’s nutritionally balanced, and you never have to be hungry. You eat smaller portions, but snacks to keep your blood sugar level are included. You do have to eat the right kinds of foods in the right amounts. And if you’re hypoglycemic like me, this really works well.

(T)- Take time to have some fun. It’s good for your outlook on life not to take yourself too seriously, or be focused solely on yourself. Neither is it healthy to be a self-sacrificing martyr, which a traditional trap for women. In a way, being a martyr is another way of focusing on yourself. Your family and friends will enjoy your company more if you lighten up. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is just to shut up and really listen to what they’re saying. You’ll find that good listeners are in remarkably short supply, and people find them quite wonderful to be around. And, by the way, resist the urge to discuss your new plan with everyone you meet. Just do it, don’t talk it to death. And yes, you are allowed a day off from exercise, or a bit larger portion of food when you feel like you really need it to keep things in balance.

6. Do the work to make it happen.

Turn on your whine meter. When your start to generate a litany of excuses about why you can’t exercise, or resist food- there’s really only one answer. When the whine meter starts to peg out at the top, just shut up and go do it. Go forth and sweat. Put down that cookie and get an apple. Quit putting energy into feeling sorry for yourself and focus on the positive instead. Get out of the house and do something. Do something nice for someone who’s worse off than you are and count your blessings.

7. Know your weaknesses

We are all creatures of habit. The trick is to become a slave to new and healthier habits, like working out every day. Do something physical instead of just sitting around. Park your car farther away from the store. Help someone else out with a project or chore instead of focusing on yourself. If you know a social situation is going to be a trigger for nervous eating, plan how you’re going to deal with it an advance and stick to it. Calculate how much that dessert is going to cost you, and reconsider if there isn’t something healthier you could have.

8. Organize your support group

Surround yourself with people who will support your plan as much as possible. If you have a friend who always has a negative attitude about their life (and yours), you might want to re-evaluate how much how you associate with him or her. All new ventures are fragile at the beginning. It’s certainly easier with your spouse or family’s support, but if you know that’s not going to happen, then figure out how you’re going to deal with those dynamics and get on with it. Remember that you cannot control what other people do or think. But if you take control of yourself, everyone else will adapt. You might just be surprised at their reactions when they figure out that you’re serious about it. If it’s easier for you to diet or work out with a group, then by all means do so. If you’re happier working things out alone, then figure out activities that add to your mental well-being and happiness. It can be meditation or knitting, or even being with someone special. What kinds of activities help you think things through? Do you like walks with your dog, or playing a sport? Just do something besides sitting in front of our television and passively falling into old habits.

9. Be patient.

Just keep slogging onward. Take joy in small advances and little victories. If you fall off your regime, or make a choice that doesn’t work out, just get back on your plan again. Try something else. Don’t use it as an excuse to give up or keep on overeating or not exercising. If weight is your concern, consider that two pounds a week is a lot of weight lost a few months down the road.

10. Learn to love new things…

Learn to love new activities and new friends. Learn to love to sweat. Find how how good it feels when you start to feel stronger, and when you start to feel comfortable with your new activities. Try new foods and new recipes. Learn to like the new person you’re becoming. Choose life…and enjoy it.